


hope that something pure can last

by smilesandsnark



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Gen, Goodbyes, I just love both these characters so much, In a weird way this is sort of a fix-it fic for me, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, POV Bucky Barnes, but only because I think it's less OOC than Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29194542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilesandsnark/pseuds/smilesandsnark
Summary: What if Steve had died in Endgame?Or:A very different goodbye for Bucky and Steve.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers (mentioned)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	hope that something pure can last

**Author's Note:**

> So it's 2021, and I am apparently still not over Steve's (imo) very OOC decision-making at the end of Endgame. When that flitted into my head again, I started thinking about all the routes the Russos et al. probably felt like they couldn't take to write Steve out, having him die being the obvious example. So then I found myself asking the question, 'Would Steve dying have been better or worse than the ending we got?' And then this happened. I apologize in advance.

Bucky didn't see Steve fall. When he noticed a small huddle grouped in the middle of the battlefield, he knew someone was down, but he ignored the sickening feeling in his gut. 

Until he caught a glimpse of Steve, on the ground, gaping bloody hole where his star emblem used to be. 

In that instant, Bucky’s world went still, all sounds muffled save for the ringing in his ears. He wasn't there when Steve went down. He wasn't there to stop it. He wasn’t _there_. 

As Bucky shoved past everyone to get to Steve, the faces were a blur, the hands reaching for him didn't register, but he heard snippets of what the voices were telling him. 

“…nothing any of us can do…” 

“…too far gone…” 

“…miracle he’s still conscious…” 

Looking Steve over, Bucky registered the truth of their words, had never forgotten what a casualty of war looked like. But it was never supposed to be – couldn't be – Steve. 

Bucky fell to his knees at Steve's side, vaguely aware that the others were stepping back, retreating to a few yards away. He wondered whether they could somehow feel his anguish, if it were powerful enough to make it physically uncomfortable to be too close to him. 

Steve's stare was unfocused, but as soon as Bucky leaned over him, his eyes softened and a weak smile spread across his face. "Hey, Buck." 

Bucky shook his head firmly, jaw set. "Don't you even start. You're not going anywhere, punk. We're pretty hard to kill, remember?" 

Steve's smile grew. "Bound to happen sometime. I'm 105 years old." 

"Yeah, well, I'm older than you, and I say you're not going anywhere." 

Steve tilted his head. "Buck..." 

Bucky shook his head again, fighting to keep his expression neutral. "No, Steve. No. You can't... _I can't_..." His voice cracked and he blindly reached for Steve's hand. "I can't, Steve. Not without you." 

Steve gripped Bucky's hand tightly and suddenly all Bucky could see in Steve's sweet, bright smile was an asthmatic kid from Brooklyn with a giant heart and no idea when to quit. "Hey, you don't have to. I'll always be with you. Little thing like dying can't change that." Steve released Bucky's hand and reached up to grip the back of Bucky's neck, thumb resting on his cheek, refusing to let him look away. "Till the end of the line, Buck. And then some." 

Bucky's control finally broke, his face twisting in pain. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. None of it was. And if one of us was gonna go today, it should've been – " 

Steve cut Bucky off, eyes blazing. "Now you listen to me. There is no one I trust more to protect our world. This team needs you, Buck, and I need you to take care of them." Steve paused, waiting for Bucky's reluctant nod before continuing. "Just promise me you'll give them a chance to take care of you back. They'll be your family if you let them." 

Bucky dipped his head slightly, taking Steve's hand from his face and bringing it down to clutch between both of his hands, metal and flesh. Staring at Steve's fingers, caked in blood and dirt, Bucky whispered, "You're my family. No one else could ever be so damn bull-headed." Bucky smirked, meeting Steve's eyes again. "Could never shake you, kid." 

Steve smiled fondly up at Bucky, each breath growing more labored. "I love you, too, Buck." 

At that, the tears Bucky had been fighting to keep at bay finally spilled down his cheeks. He was clutching Steve's hand so tightly he figured he would be cutting off the circulation if Steve still had any feeling left there. Steve's eyes were drooping shut, and Bucky knew Steve wouldn't be in pain much longer. 

Bucky thought that was supposed to comfort him more than it did. 

"Hey..." Steve wheezed, eyes fluttering open, gaze fixed on some distant point. "I'll get to see Peggy again." 

Bucky's nails were digging into Steve's palm now, and every emotion he could ever remember having – grief, joy, anger, gratitude, hopelessness, love – was flashing through him faster than he could keep track. "Yeah, Stevie, I bet you will. You can finally have that dance," Bucky said softly. 

Bucky drank in the sight of the soft smile on Steve's face, thinking desperately that being the one that survives is humanity's cruelest trick. 

Steve's ragged breathing fell silent, his unseeing eyes still trained far away, somewhere Bucky could not reach.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. If it helps at all, I broke my own heart writing this, so the punishment fits the crime. 
> 
> Also, I haven't written fic in years, plus this is unbetaed, so apologies for any cobwebs or mistakes. 
> 
> Title from Arcade Fire's "We Used to Wait," a song about the things we forget to value as time goes on...


End file.
